and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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