remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
