No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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