I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he laminated a picture of his dick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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