remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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