it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
