the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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