dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
