When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
