Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
