Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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