i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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