Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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