Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
