Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
