i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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