; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
