so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize