Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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