Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
