I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize