she was so not down for the gang bang
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
