So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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