yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Drunk is a universal language darling
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
