Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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