fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
