He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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