so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
