Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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