Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
