having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
