I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
