only you would photoshop your dick
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
