And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
