I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
