I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
