New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
