i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
