Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
