woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
