Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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