Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize