so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
