he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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