he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
