I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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