I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So vagazzling was a success
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