if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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