is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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