So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
