This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it's great music for shaving your balls
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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