oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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