If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
