Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's never too late to be topless.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
