Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
