Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
