For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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