Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
