Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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