so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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