The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
