we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
