Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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