and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
