there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
