I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
