i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
