He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
