You smell like stripper and shame
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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