Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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