sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We got so high we made milksteak
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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