dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
