Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
