Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
