she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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