Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
