It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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