She announced her abortion via fbk
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize