took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
