So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
