return my video game
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
