I just cut my nipple shaving
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
