I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
