It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
