I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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