omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
