i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
