Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize