I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
