whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
