They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
