I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
