i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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