if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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