He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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