You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
