At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize