I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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