Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My balls are so social today.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
