So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My liver just had a heart attack.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
