Got a toothbrush?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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