Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
