it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
