put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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