Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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