Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
