I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
